Torture of a tortured soul: my lifetime lesson in patience

I am just in the process of completing my thesis on “how-to –tolerate-crap-movies” and yesterday I had d ultimate lesson…Thanks to a stupendously flop Mausam; I now feel that I will be able to complete my Phd thesis very shortly… infact if you have managed to watch this movie in its entirety at one shot- you should get much much more than a PHd… a Nobel Peace prize and a Bharat Ratna for “Outstanding achievement in Indian cinema” should do it…or maybe just about…

And mind it- that would be significant in itself… assuming that you can still remain a follower of our Gandhian non-violence principles and receive Bharat Ratna for just being a audience…

Discounting the fact that I am incorrigibly attracted to Sonam Kapoor , I think the word timepass got a new dimension in Mausam. Thankfully, there aren’t any movie theatres in the vicinity of 20kms where I reside in Sangamner… or else I would surely have wasted a Rs 20/40 on this movie when it had released…but considering that I wasted 3 hrs on dis awesome creation, and equating it to d Time value of money and blah blah…. I seem to have spent a fortune…My Gwadddd….such a waste- please forgive me LORD…

Sample this- the story covers a span of some 17 odd years and the lovers have an incredible habit of getting separated every time they meet. The coincidence of their coincidental meetings in their coincidental lives is too much of a coincidence…I split with my girl friend 5-6 years (?) back and although am willing to auction both my kidneys just for a chance to bump into her again- such things never happen… shucks… movie life mast hain yaar…

Shahid Kapoor does his best to behave like an Air Force squadron leader…but looks too macho, boyish and artificial at the same time- that mustache doesn’t make you a man my boy(!)..  Sonaam Kapoor (- okay I know she isn’t d best of actors) looks enchanting… so no grievances in that Dept… even her artificial in-your-face blatant attempt to act is pardonable… Supriya Pathak- Sonam’s mother in d movie sulks the entire period- not sure how anyone can be so consistently sad and Anupan Kher is wasted with a blink and you miss role…

The movie covers all the major riots n religious warfare in the last 2 decades but fails to state any purpose for the same… Pankaj Kapoor’s direction makes you realize your worst nightmares and music is trashy… clearly Pritam has lost the entire original soundtrack collection from which he plagiarizes and is currently going through a UPA2 like crunch period… clearly India’s most brilliant actor Pankaj Kapoor should stick to acting unless he wants to turn a 2^nd class film director to obtain a gatepass for the Big Boss house…

The dialogues in the film is mostly forgettable  and ends with something as shady as:

“kuch maine khoya hain ,kuch tumhne khoya hain aur kuch yeh mausum ne khoy hain...chalo milkar eek ghar basaye……..”

ewwwwwww…unka toh ghar baas gaya- lekin mera dimaag ka kya?

Most importantly the film is 2.5 hrs long..and not even a period drama…. Who makes 2.5 hr movies these days?

I leave you with this:

I spent 5 hrs, innumerable pauses, a year’s worth of patience, half a packet smokes, interspersed with innumerable FB chats, to be resolute enough to watch the whole film… so unless you feel masochistic please avoid this torture at any cost…

PS: my first attempted Film review- temme how boring it is…